3 Myths About Love That Keeps You From Finding The One
Three toxic half-truths and their antidotes.
You deserve a GREAT man.
We all lie to ourselves about a variety of things; we pretend that certain issues don’t bother us, or we claim that the diet starts on Monday. It’s a human thing to do.
But when it comes to relationships, there are three little lies that crush women’s self-esteem and sabotage their chances at love with men.
These are things women tell themselves that start out as little lies, but can turn into big problems — at least as long as you think missing out on true love is a big problem!
Lie #1: I must love myself first before loving another.
The first lie women believe is that they must love themselves before they can love another.
As a result, they refuse to get into a relationship before they’re filled to the brim with self-confidence. This hurts women on two fronts: to begin, projecting anything too far into the future is problematic — any time you delay X until Y happens, you set yourself up for remorse.
The other problem is that this way of thinking prevents women from viewing the relationship as a vehicle upon which to love themselves on a higher level. A good relationship can be that vehicle — it provides the drive to let women thrive.
In fact, your partner can actually teach you how to love yourself more fully. In a healthy functioning relationship, this happens naturally.
Lie #2: It’s weak to depend on a man.
The second lie women believe is that they shouldn’t have to depend on men.
Most women tell themselves this for a good reason — they’ve been let down in the past. And I’m not talking about depending on a man to write your paycheck or feed you.
We’re talking about a deeper level of being able to let your guard down and allow love in. When you’re in a loving, committed relationship, dependency isn’t bad as long as it’s a two-way street (i.e., the man depends on you as well!).
Dependence is genuine and authentic and allows you to be open to the possibility of someone having your back, and that’s a road to a happily ever after. Depending on your partner inspires them to be strong. It also communicates you trust them.
Believe it or not, but it takes more strength to open yourself up to depending on someone than it does to stay guarded on your own island.
Lie #3: If I’m good enough, he’ll change for me.
The third lie women believe is that they can change the man they love.
This forces women to settle into a relationship that’s barely breathing. Remember, the best relationships aren’t about changing people; they’re about loving them for who they are already.
This lie is the hardest to break free from, and the most common. Many women believe that if they change themselves, the man will follow suit. What they’re actually doing is taking too much responsibility for their partner’s character (or pursuing men who are emotionally unavailable).
See also: 9 Valuable Life Lessons From 100-Year-Olds That Will Change Your Life
This article was written By Greg Thurston, Creator of 7 Minute Mindfulness
Watching videos of centurions, you start to see a theme: they seem content. That might be shocking to younger people, especially anyone who fears old age.
Maybe we fear missing out on opportunities in life, and worry that we’ll find ourselves too old to do things. But we have many interviews of people 100 and older, and they love to share about their lives and offer advice to the rest of us.
Dr. Mercola (of the Mercola Video Library) interviewed three centurions for this very information, and many other people have as well.
Quite a few of us (more now than ever) have relatives or know someone who is 100 or over. One lady I know who is 104 is full of sassy attitude and enjoys talking to people.
From this wealth of information, we can form the following nine lessons.
1. Help others.
Helping others is one way to build relationships and connections, and it makes you feel great. It’s another common theme among people who live to be over 100.
Being kind and helping others gives you a sense of purpose too, and it fights depression and anxiety. Not only that, it’s a way of staying active and productive after you retire.
It’s a win-win for everyone involved, and being older and retired can mean having more time for volunteering.
2. Happiness comes from what we do.
At 100 years old, or older, people don’t seem to sit around and smile about the things they accumulated in life.
Rather, it’s more about their life experiences. Happy memories can go a long ways toward happiness later on! One man over 100 years old said he did all he wanted to do.
Now he wants to be helpful and keep going. “I have so many beautiful memories,” said a woman over 100. “I got to do all the things I wanted to.”
That tells us to jump in and live life – remember that it’s about really living and making memories with people we love.
Science backs this up as well. We know people derive more happiness that is long-term from experiences such as vacations rather than from possessions.
3. Love and Partnership is critical for long life.
Centurions often talk about their “good” marriage, all their happy memories, and all their good times together.
It’s another area where they might be applying rose-tinted glasses, but it’s apparent that they got emotional support and felt like they have a life partner.
They also say that people today give up too easily these days-so there was hard work involved, but at the end of their life that part isn’t really important anymore.
“Being happily married and happy in general is the remedy for all illness.”
We don’t have studies on how marriage or long-term relationships affect life span, but you don’t have to be a scientist to take note: centurions all speak about their decades long marriage with a smile on their face.
Even people who have been widowed for a few decades say they have many, many warm memories about their married life, and that still makes them happy.
4. Happiness comes from a positive attitude and optimism.
People over 100 seem to remember life through rose tinted glasses, making it sound like an adventure even through hard times, like war.
“I’ve always been lucky,” says one centurion despite living through 2 great wars! She also talked about how “everything makes me happy. I love talking to people… going shopping.”
Common advice from people who are doing well at 100 is to “Decide to be content.” Others say, “Don’t chase happiness. Just be satisfied.”
Deciding life is good changes our perception and makes life better, and apparently it helps you live much longer!
5. Eat natural, real food to feel good and live long.
Many people who are 100 say they feel strong and like they’re 69 or 79. These are the people who stay active physically and mentally, and have a lot to share with other people.
Many people over 100 talk about eating fresh food that they grew themselves. And older people will tell you over and over: eat in moderation!
6. Happiness comes from living in the NOW.
Age is only a number. You live for the day and keep going. This is wisdom from someone with a very long past-but they enjoy the present.
The past is the past; we can’t change it. But we can rob ourselves of our present happiness and good emotional health by hanging onto old regrets, grudges, and pain.
You’ll gain inner peace, happiness and feel ‘uncluttered’ in your life.
7. Learn to adapt for a better and longer life.
“Life goes on regardless” is a common theme. People who live well into old age understand that there is hardship in life but they know life goes on and they must too.
If you live 7, 8, 9, 10 or more decades, you’re going to see a lot of change.
People who adapt and change with the times do better. It’s part of having a positive attitude-they’re excited for new opportunities instead of fearing change.
8. Always learn!
Older people will advise to get a good education to help you go far in life, and science has shown that people with a Bachelor’s degree actually do live about a decade longer than people who don’t have one. (From the U.S. Centers for Disease an Control Prevention)
Older people will tell you to keep learning all through life, both in and out of school.
Be curious-it makes life more interesting and fun. And it helps you stay engaged with life and the changing technology and times. That helps you adapt too.
9. Practice Mindfulness
People over 100 tend to live in the moment as it comes, rather than worrying about plans, regrets, and getting caught up in pressure and worry.
They cherish special time with family and friends, the colors and smell of a new flower in spring, or the feel of the grass on their feet.
When life is enjoyed in the moment, it’s just better and people who live in the moment more tend to live longer, happier lives!