To Every Girl Who Has Ever Lost Herself To A Toxic Man
Some days I wonder if I will ever fully be myself again, and unfortunately, those days seem to be happening more than I would like to admit. Yes, relationships take a lot of work but relationships are supposed to be fun. When you are with the right person, relationships are simple. Nobody deserves to be in a relationship that they are afraid of their partner, yet that is more and more common these days. I am ashamed to admit that I stayed in a relationship that I was fearful of the man I was with.
All it took was one day, one day where I had enough courage to walk away. Walking away was the best decision I have ever made, I had let someone take so much from me, and if I didn’t have the courage to walk away I don’t know where I would be today.
I dated someone who made me lose my self-worth.
I lost my smile that once lit up any room I walked into because he couldn’t stand to see me happy. My smile was a bother to him. Once he charmed me into falling for his act he knew he had me hooked and he knew he could manipulate me. He knew he had me wrapped around his finger and he knew I wouldn’t leave. Because of him, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore because he made me feel lower than I ever knew was possible.
I dated someone who made me lose my self-confidence
Because of him, I lost my self-confidence and care-free attitude. I was the girl that ‘didn’t deserve to be told compliments because I didn’t need them.’ Because of him, I felt worthless.
I dated someone I thought I knew.
I spent so much time convincing myself that he was going to go back to the man I had first met that I was completely oblivious to the fact that it was impossible. I so badly wanted to believe that it was all just a phase, but it wasn’t.
I dated someone who I didn’t even know who he was.
The man I first met wasn’t him; it was who he wanted to be perceived as. He turned out to be nothing but a liar and a cheater. I constantly made excuses for him and disregarded his wrongs. I wanted him to so badly be the man he pretended to be that I was blind. And because of this, I made our relationship picture perfect on Instagram. I thought if I made it look perfect then it would be perfect. Because of him, I lied to everyone that asked me how we were. I lied because I thought if I lied about it enough it would be the truth. I deliberately chose to ignore all the signs because all I wanted to do was see the best in him.
I dated someone who made me question everyone.
Because of him, I realized that maybe some people just don’t have any good. Because of him, I stopped being the person who saw the best in everyone. The person who gave everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I dated someone who was incapable of loving anyone but themselves.
I thought if I just brushed everything aside and loved him with everything in me that it would make him love me back. It took forever to understand but I now understand that it is impossible to make someone love you who only knows how to love themselves. Because of him, I felt alone while being physically next to him. I was dating a man who refused to kiss me and refused to look at me. Because of him, he made me feel unworthy. No matter how many times I had a huge smile on my face and was excited to see him, I was never worth looking at. I was dating someone who intentionally put me down so he could have the power. It was like it was a game to him; the worse he could make me feel, the better it made him feel.
I dated someone who I let manipulate me.
Every time he bailed on me or ignored my calls he somehow made me feel as if I deserved it. He made me feel as if I didn’t deserve to be spoken to. Every time I questioned him cheating, he somehow turned it around to me. It was my fault he hid things because ‘if I trusted him, he wouldn’t have to hide it.’ It was my fault he messaged girls on social media because, ‘if I trusted him, it shouldn’t matter who he talked to’. He manipulated me into believing I was the crazy one.
I was dating someone who was jealous of me.
Because of him, I stopped greeting everyone with a smile who I made eye contact with because he was jealous so many people knew me. Because of him, he made me feel guilty for being friendly. Because of him, ‘I was a whore’ for knowing so many people of the opposite gender. Because of him, I convinced myself I must really be a whore if he says I am a whore. Because of him, I stopped being my bubbly self in order to try to make him love me. Because of him, I thought if I made myself less of a person he would stop making me feel guilty for being me. Because of him, every time someone complimented me on something I didn’t want it to be true. Because of him, I wanted to be less of a person than I am.
I dated someone who had to put others down to build himself up.
He was the guy who was always in a relationship. He was and still is the guy who jumps immediately into a new relationship because he can’t survive without manipulating someone. He is the guy who jumped into a new relationship 4 days after we had broken up. I truly feel sorry for the girl he is with (and the girls after her) because he will continue making girls feel the way he made me feel. He will never be happy with himself and the only way he knows how to try to fill the void within him is by putting others down.
I dated someone who made me stronger.
Because I left him, I feel even more empowered than ever. Because I left him, I remember what it’s like to be the girl who is always smiling but I remember the person who took that away. Because I left him, I got my corky sense of humor back. Because I left him I have met so many people that admire me for who I am and don’t knock me down for it. And never again will I tolerate someone who does. Because I left him, I know what it feels like to be truly loved.
Because it was in leaving him I learned to love myself again.
See also: Best Reply Ever To Someone Who Says Their Life Is A Mess. This Grandma Is A Genius.
A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.
She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of ﬁghting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She ﬁlled three pots with water and placed each on a high ﬁre.
Soon the pots came to boil. In the ﬁrst she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes, she turned oﬁC the burners. She ﬁshed out the carrots and placed them in a bowl. She pulled out the eggs and placed them in a bow|.Then she ladled out the coffee and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”
“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.
Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard—boiled egg.
Finally, the grandmother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its richness and savored its aroma. The granddaughter then asked, “What does it mean, grandma?”
Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity — boiling water. Each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter.
“When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do | wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?
Did I have a ﬂuid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a ﬁnancial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am | bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst; you become even better and change the situation around you.
See also: He Thought His Wife Would Complete His Life But She Didn’t. What He Says Next Is Golden Advice For People In Love.
That she is not, nor will she ever be, that one piece that makes my life complete.
I spent my entire young life feeling worthless and like I was lacking something. I jumped from relationship to relationship hoping to find the person that could love me perfectly and make my life complete. For a while I thought my wife would be that person, and then for a while I thought she could change to become that person.
But she won’t. And she can’t. She is flawed just like every other person. She has her own needs and issues. She loves me the best that she can, and she works hard at it, just like I have to work hard to love her the best that I can.
But she cannot be everything to make my life complete. I need friends and family that love me. I need things in my life to work toward. I need challenges and goals, successes and failures. Most importantly I am having to learn how to see myself as important and valuable.
I love my wife, and I know that she loves me, but placing the expectation on her to make my life complete is unfair and has caused a lot of heartache in our relationship. The more I learn to love myself, and the more I focus on loving her just for who she is, the stronger our relationship grows.
Love is hard work, even when you marry the right person.
See also: Husband Wants To Know Why His Wife Is So Tired Every Evening, So He Spied On Her For One Day
This is a short movie from Japan which brings the awareness and answers, to the following question: “Who carries a heavier load? Women or men?”
The belief often is the man. Naturally, when it really comes down to it, the hard worker, the heavy lifting and long day working hours is all on the male. But then again, is it really? Let’s take a closer look.
The street people of Tokyo were surveyed on the subject here of who literally carries the heavier load. Out of 100 men and women, it was revealed that women carried loads of 7.2kg, which was two times heavy as loads carried by men on a regular weekday. Also, 18% of women interviewed carried loads of over 15kg! also.
In this short film we have a day in the life of a young mom in Tokyo, along with her husband and son. The husband secretly watches from a van his wife’s day to day routine and is blown away.
Why A Man Should Never Complain
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
“Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.”
God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Then ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back!”
The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied: “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.”
You’ll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.”